One person alone cannot accomplish much. Only when people get together through their collective efforts can they make a significant impact. Therefore, higher the value of commitment to the common vision and achieving specific goals, stronger will be the relationship between the team members and harder will be the adjourning stage to say good-bye.
When I consider the different groups I have been involved in, I think the VBS (Vacation Bible School) group that I get involved with is usually the difficult group to say good-bye. We have VBS every year during the school holidays. Though it is only a five days event, team members connect with each other and become interdependent. This is mainly because their primary motivation is neither profit nor pleasure but the clearly defined common goals. It is the powerful vision that keeps us a team to move ahead through challenges, and change with more confidence. As a result we become a closely knit group, that the separation and thought of the event having come to an end brings sadness to each of us.
At the end of the five days we have a reflection time where we reflect on the five days, our accomplishments and failures and what and how we could improve the following year. We end with a prayer of thanksgiving and part ways hoping to meet each other again the following year. Working well on any team generates energy and enthusiasm for life. It is this energy and enthusiasm that helps us stay motivated and look forward to VBS each year.
The group of colleagues I have formed during this master’s program is another group I have come to closely relate with. We have grown in our learning together, respecting each other’s contributions that our unique experiences and backgrounds have brought to our discussion and blog boards. As this program will come to an end, and it will be time for our adjourning stage to say good bye, I am sure it will be a difficult process, as my colleagues has become my extended family to me. I have valued all my colleagues valuable support and will surely miss as I move on independently. Nevertheless, I would take the opportunity to say Good-bye and wish each of my colleagues best of luck as they pursue their next endeavor.
Adjourning stage in teamwork is essential as it looks at the team from the perspective of the well being of the team – celebrate their success and evaluate their shortcomings - so as to motivate the team and lift their morale for future success.
Favorite Quote on Childhood
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Conflict Resolution
I think it is coincidental that such an assignment should come up at this time. Because it was only one month back I had an issue with my principal. I have been working for the past 9 – 10 years and never have I had any disagreement with anyone. Maybe the reason for this is because I never used to communicate my hurt. Since culture and conflict are linked, I guess it is my cultural values and beliefs to have a cordial relation with everyone that makes me avoid conflicts.
However, this time I could not keep quiet. I am therefore partly responsible for the conflict that arose. Let me explain the scenario. What happened was my assistant helper for this academic year is a young woman from my state in India. She has only high school education and is not very fluent in English. She can communicate in English, but with me being from the same state she would rather communicate in our native language instead of struggling in English. Now in our center, we have Filipino helpers who speak among themselves their language, Sri Lankan helpers who speak their language and Arabic and French teachers who speak their respective language among them. My principal is a Lebanese. And therefore she speaks French and Arabic to respective teachers. It so happened last month, she overheard my helper come to me and speak to me in our language. Immediately, my Principal came up to me and said “no speaking in Indian”. I was suddenly hurt. I felt my identity was being insulted. It just didn’t seem fair when this rule didn’t apply to the rest of the center that it should apply to us. Why, because we are Indians? I was provoked, that it brought out strong emotions in me which made me comment “then no speaking in Arabic and French here.” I cannot still believe that I said that. Maybe it was my newfound knowledge about culture and identity and how important each one’s identity is or maybe having been a witness for some time to how my helper is treated unfairly when compared with the other helpers that triggered me. I don’t know. Anyway, I said it and my principal was taken aback. She did not expect such a comment from me. Nothing was further said about it. There was no argument. But she stopped talking to me. Unproductive conflicts can have negative impact on the relationship (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.220). This is what happened in our case. We have had a good relation until then. But after this one incident, there was a gap between us.
Being an escapist, I tried to avoid clarifying things until last week when she brought up the matter with me. I tried to justify how my feelings were hurt. However, since power dynamics play a role, she pulled her rank by saying “no matter what you feel or what you think, you have no right to say to me the way you did, because I’m the principal”. This time I did not speak up. I decided to allocate power (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.244) to her in order to resolve the conflict.
Though things are getting better between us, such a conflict could have been avoided had I used the nonviolent or 3R approach. I should have been honest about my feelings, express openly how hurt I felt instead of coming up with a statement that caused such a conflict. ‘Differences of opinion and clashing goals are inevitable in any relationship.’ (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 223). It is how we approach and resolve these kinds of situations that matters.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
However, this time I could not keep quiet. I am therefore partly responsible for the conflict that arose. Let me explain the scenario. What happened was my assistant helper for this academic year is a young woman from my state in India. She has only high school education and is not very fluent in English. She can communicate in English, but with me being from the same state she would rather communicate in our native language instead of struggling in English. Now in our center, we have Filipino helpers who speak among themselves their language, Sri Lankan helpers who speak their language and Arabic and French teachers who speak their respective language among them. My principal is a Lebanese. And therefore she speaks French and Arabic to respective teachers. It so happened last month, she overheard my helper come to me and speak to me in our language. Immediately, my Principal came up to me and said “no speaking in Indian”. I was suddenly hurt. I felt my identity was being insulted. It just didn’t seem fair when this rule didn’t apply to the rest of the center that it should apply to us. Why, because we are Indians? I was provoked, that it brought out strong emotions in me which made me comment “then no speaking in Arabic and French here.” I cannot still believe that I said that. Maybe it was my newfound knowledge about culture and identity and how important each one’s identity is or maybe having been a witness for some time to how my helper is treated unfairly when compared with the other helpers that triggered me. I don’t know. Anyway, I said it and my principal was taken aback. She did not expect such a comment from me. Nothing was further said about it. There was no argument. But she stopped talking to me. Unproductive conflicts can have negative impact on the relationship (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.220). This is what happened in our case. We have had a good relation until then. But after this one incident, there was a gap between us.
Being an escapist, I tried to avoid clarifying things until last week when she brought up the matter with me. I tried to justify how my feelings were hurt. However, since power dynamics play a role, she pulled her rank by saying “no matter what you feel or what you think, you have no right to say to me the way you did, because I’m the principal”. This time I did not speak up. I decided to allocate power (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p.244) to her in order to resolve the conflict.
Though things are getting better between us, such a conflict could have been avoided had I used the nonviolent or 3R approach. I should have been honest about my feelings, express openly how hurt I felt instead of coming up with a statement that caused such a conflict. ‘Differences of opinion and clashing goals are inevitable in any relationship.’ (O'Hair, & Wiemann, 2012, p. 223). It is how we approach and resolve these kinds of situations that matters.
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Who Am I as a Communicator?
When examining and evaluating my own communication and listening styles, dispositions and skills using the Communication Anxiety Inventory and Verbal Aggressiveness Scale (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) and Listening Styles Profile (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009) revealed, that
My level of communication anxiety is mild.
My level of verbal aggressiveness is moderate, and
On listening styles I am a people oriented person
Our behavior generates feedback from others. Therefore, getting my colleague and my husband to assess me using the same measure helped me to judge my performance. Both my husband and my colleague rated me as:
Moderate on the Communication Anxiety Inventory (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) with a score of 48 and 47 respectively,
Moderate on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) with a score of 64 and 61 respectively which was similar to the way I perceived myself, and
On the Listening Styles Profile (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009), they again agreed with my judgment about myself being more of a people-oriented type by putting me in the group 1 category.
It was surprising how our self-presentation and self disclosure speaks volume about us. Both my husband and my colleague agreed that I get concerned over some communication context which was similar to my perception. I feel more confident in one-to-one situations and somewhat uneasy in a larger group. I am able to converse comfortably with a person I do not know very well as well as with a person I just met whereas when speaking in public, I am more tense and apprehensive. They too have observed that complex and technical information are a challenge to me and that I would rather prefer information in an orderly and efficient way. They have also noticed that my communication skills in noticing others emotions and being considerate to their feelings. When situations arise where I have to argue, I make it a point to attack the facts and not the person.
Learning about myself, assessing my strengths and weakness as a communicator through self-evaluation and based on the feedback from others has helped me to evaluate my expectations, execution and outcomes in my communication. It has helped me to be more aware and conscious of the need to develop my knowledge and skills in communication. I have realized that in order to improve my communication skills I need to:
1. Self-monitor the situation more effectively, by monitoring my self-presentation and the people involved.
2. To be more sensitive to feedbacks regarding my abilities, knowledge and talents so that I can incorporate such information better.
Effective communication depends on our perception, of our understating of the diversity around us and realizing that each one is unique with their unique variables.
My level of communication anxiety is mild.
My level of verbal aggressiveness is moderate, and
On listening styles I am a people oriented person
Our behavior generates feedback from others. Therefore, getting my colleague and my husband to assess me using the same measure helped me to judge my performance. Both my husband and my colleague rated me as:
Moderate on the Communication Anxiety Inventory (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) with a score of 48 and 47 respectively,
Moderate on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) with a score of 64 and 61 respectively which was similar to the way I perceived myself, and
On the Listening Styles Profile (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009), they again agreed with my judgment about myself being more of a people-oriented type by putting me in the group 1 category.
It was surprising how our self-presentation and self disclosure speaks volume about us. Both my husband and my colleague agreed that I get concerned over some communication context which was similar to my perception. I feel more confident in one-to-one situations and somewhat uneasy in a larger group. I am able to converse comfortably with a person I do not know very well as well as with a person I just met whereas when speaking in public, I am more tense and apprehensive. They too have observed that complex and technical information are a challenge to me and that I would rather prefer information in an orderly and efficient way. They have also noticed that my communication skills in noticing others emotions and being considerate to their feelings. When situations arise where I have to argue, I make it a point to attack the facts and not the person.
Learning about myself, assessing my strengths and weakness as a communicator through self-evaluation and based on the feedback from others has helped me to evaluate my expectations, execution and outcomes in my communication. It has helped me to be more aware and conscious of the need to develop my knowledge and skills in communication. I have realized that in order to improve my communication skills I need to:
1. Self-monitor the situation more effectively, by monitoring my self-presentation and the people involved.
2. To be more sensitive to feedbacks regarding my abilities, knowledge and talents so that I can incorporate such information better.
Effective communication depends on our perception, of our understating of the diversity around us and realizing that each one is unique with their unique variables.
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